Writing is hard. I sit here in front of the blank screen trying to find words that will flow into sentences that will flow into paragraphs that will form some coherent thought. I don’t know why I’m drawn to this endeavor. I’ve found every excuse there is over the past twenty years to avoid writing, yet the desire to do so, to explore it, continually resurfaces. I fill my time with projects, commitments, relationships, distractions that I convince myself are more important than the selfish and irresponsible crafting of sentences. Yet here I am again. The blue cursor blinking impatiently, as if knowing better than I my destiny. Telling me the wait has endured too long.
The pursuit of writing is facing my fears. The fear of judgement, of rejection, of failure. Ironically, not pursuing writing has in no way alleviated my experiences with the mentioned. In actuality it probably contributed.
We are free to chose our own paths in life, however we tend to take wrong turns. Life doesn’t come with a Google Maps app you can plug in your ultimate destination and expect three distinct options for getting there, assuming you start out knowing where is there. Rather we go blindly, or all too often only able to see to the next Bend. Some of us are more in-tuned with our spirit, our gut, the entity within that guides. They are better at correcting and getting back on track. Others, like myself, hear the voice but have learned to suppress it. We tell ourselves that path is too hard, or too irresponsible, or we convince ourselves of failure before attempting. However, we can only distract ourselves for so long. Eventually the path you’ve taken, if being wrong, will lead to failure. Failure because your heart isn’t in it. Failure because the motivation isn’t strong enough. Failure because you were meant to do something different, something more. More may only have meaning to you.
I believe failure is linked to taking the path of another. Until we choose our own path we will continue to fail and find ourselves back at that proverbial and familiar fork in the road.
Will I choose differently this time around? Will you?