We live with layers and filters. Decisions all too often aren’t made on gut and instinct, but rather we process them like a computer program. Quickly, or at times painfully slowly, trying to weigh the positive and negative potentiality of the path we choose in that moment. We give too much, or perhaps too little, credence to the impact each little decision has on our lives and the lives of others. Each decision, realized or not keeps us on a life path or splinters us off it even if just by one degree. One degree can add up quickly until you no longer recognize the path you’re on.
I struggle less with how a decision might impact myself, but am often paralyzed in a spiraling thought process on what my decision would mean for another. Is this because I’m a pleaser? Or is it a clear indicator that I’m not confident and secure in my convictions. I know what I feel, what I want, have an inclination of what I must do, but I still spend far too much time worrying about the perception and cause/effect of others. Whether they be directly or indirectly impacted by the decision itself doesn’t seem to matter as it should.
The fact, as it stands today, is that I am not responsible for much outside my own immediate self. I have no Other, I have no family, I have no pets. I only have myself and my job, the customers to whom I am responsible. Beyond that I am free. Free to choose whatever life I want, perhaps I have always been free to do so, though pets and Others have factored in the past. But decisions could have been made then that weren’t, and the single degrees of adjustments have created a different path that seems unfamiliar to my internal navigation. Big dreams were forgotten, replaced by smaller practical goals. Balance and comfort pursued instead, which translates to mediocrity and contentment. As children we don’t apsire to grow up to be content and mediocre. Fear, consequences, waiting (patience) aren’t a part of our decision making process or even our make-up. Perhaps it is the adult need to protect and educate that instills these qualities of inadequacy in us.
If fear and consequences weren’t ruling our thoughts what decisions would you make? What would you stop waiting for and just take action toward? Making choices for oneself isn’t selfish, it may just be the opposite. In making the decision for you alone you get back on the path which you were intended to take. On your true path you’ll have a greater impact on the lives of others and the connections you make will be real. If we were all following our true paths would the world not be a better place?
Destiny doesn’t just happen, it’s the result of every choice you make on your way. Luck isn’t random, it’s being prepared to take advantage of circumstances that present themselves.