Much of what I write on this blog are my personal experiences, leading to self discoveries, which turn into my philosophies. I’m constantly sharing thoughts and questions with my friends in an attempt to find answers and get clarity on those things that bounce around in my head. I’m learning, that I may do this because I need some confirmation that my thinking is sound. See, I tend to be a dreamer. I tend to act impulsively and think about consequences down the road. That’s how I’m wired. However, I’ve spent more than a decade “unwiring” myself. Sadly teaching myself not to listen to the dreamer, or worse, to only listen to him partly. Listening only partly results in acting only partly. Acting only partly leaves a life littered with failures. I’m a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason”. The failures and successes of yesterday have molding me into the man I am today. This I wouldn’t change. I wouldn’t be where I am today, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing, I wouldn’t have the friends I have, living in the most beautiful part of the country, I wouldn’t have the personal wisdom to write this text, and most importantly I wouldn’t be equipped with the tools to make the circumstances presented today my successes for tomorrow.
However, I’m beginning to better understand that my disconnect with the dreamer is the root of my failures. I’ve pursued the wrong things. I convinced myself I needed to conform. I’ve always dreamed of traveling the world. Sadly, the last trip abroad was Italy about 15 years ago. Where did the time go? I made a decision to move to Bend and pursue my own endeavors and focus on personal freedom so that I could do that very thing, travel. But somewhere I lost myself. I lost my dreams. I stopped pursuing the things I wanted most, or I pursued them half-heartedly because I could no longer see what I wanted. Clarity blurred by conformity, pleasing, pursuit of normalcy. Not having a clear picture you can be confident in leaves you doomed to repeat failures, until you stop, reconnect, and take another approach. An approach that is rooted in your soul, your gut, your heart.
This past year I’ve been acting more from that place I had forgotten. It’s still a work in progress to reprogram myself to listen to my heart and my gut rather than my head and the voices in it that aren’t my own. When I listen and act from within, awesome things happen. I’ve developed amazing friendships, have been on epic mountain bike adventures here in Bend, in Utah, in Idaho. I’m reading, writing, taking pictures. I’m enjoying the little things. I was getting fitter and stronger than I’ve been in my 43 years, until the shoulder separation that sidetracked fitness and race plans. I believe that had a purpose as I’m now finally getting abroad again and igniting my desire to travel by going to Spain to explore instead of Wyoming to race.
Life isn’t getting better randomly, and frankly there are many things I still need to work through professional and purposely, life is getting better because I see it so. I have a clearer picture of what I desire from my friendships, relationships, work, fitness, play. The Universe/God/Higher Power, whatever you may believe, it’ll bring forth those things you desire if you think and believe on them long and hard enough. The key, if I haven’t stated it clearly, is to listen to your Self. Act from your heart and not only will what you desire present itself, but you’ll be better prepared to receive and run with it. Perhaps you may even get more than you could have expected. You may find youself presented with opportunities that are far greater than you could have imagined for yourself. Have the confidence to act, to ride the wave, to not listen to world’s opinion.
A friend of mine often says I’m ridiculous, because I speak my mind, I’m a bit of a child, I have no filters, I try to embrace all that I can and push the experiences. This is me, the real me. However, it wasn’t the me a year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago. I have to go a long way back to find that person. The person with little fear of consequences. The person who wants to feel everything, the high and lows at full magnitude. The person who doesn’t want to be numb or live a grounded safe existence. That is who I’m reconnecting with, and I love him. I love the risks, the experiences, living life on the edge. Often I’ll crash, as I have. However regrets result from decisions of the head. I will never regret decisions made from my heart.
So, do you want to live grounded or do you want to live Ridiculous!?